WASHINGTON, District of Columbia—The Clinton-Kaine campaign has requested the Commission on Presidential Debates—the organization responsible for organizing and producing the first 2016 presidential debate tonight at 9 p.m. ET—test Republican nominee Donald J. Trump for performance-enhancing drugs immediately after the debate if his performance exceeds the very low expectations many political scientists are forecasting.
On a conference call with national political reporters late Sunday evening, Jennifer Palmieri, Hillary for America Communications Director, said the campaign believes it’s “a given Mr. Trump should” have a poor debate performance.
“We know he’s going to fill the stage, the auditorium up with lie after lie, after lie, that’s expected, won’t surprise anyone,” Ms. Palmieri told the reporters.
“But if mysteriously he sounds like a serious presidential candidate, pretending like he’s a deep study on critical national and international issues, which he has not shown so far in this campaign, we want to make sure he’s not on something. We would want him tested for anything and everything.”
She said the campaign would want debate officials to collect hair, blood, and urine samples from Mr. Trump after the debate and process the samples using the strict National Football League substance abuse testing protocols.
Ms. Palmieri named several substances for testing.
- Amphetamines
- Angel dust
- Cocaine
- Crack cocaine
- Human growth hormone
- Marijuana
- Methamphetamines
- Opiates
- Opioids
- PCP
Real-Time Debate Conduct Rules
Ms. Palmieri also revealed that last week the campaign submitted a list of conduct rules they want the debate commission to enforce to ensure Mr. Trump does not receive any extra assistance.
- Water and water containers will be supplied by the debate commission.
- The nominees will be escorted and monitored during bathroom breaks.
- Mr. Trump’s surrogates will not be allowed backstage.
- Mr. Trump will be stopped and frisked when he enters the auditorium at Hofstra University to check for any device or item that could give him “juice.”
In response to a question whether the campaign was acting irrationally, Ms. Palmieri said the campaign was not “unduly paranoid.”
“We can’t take any chances in this election, it’s too important. The security and future of free world, democracy, liberty, freedom, equality are at stake in this election, and we want the real Trump exposed to the over 200 million Americans who will tune in to watch the debate.”
Holleran N. Yellen II reports on dynamics of the 2016 presidential general election campaign.
Johnny Robish says
For a satirical look at Hillary and performance-enhancing drugs, check out http://www.johnnyrobish.com/in-the-news/trump-suggests-hillary-performance-enhancing-drugs